HOW TO WATCH YOUR FATHER WATCH YOUR MOTHER DIE

Lesléa Newman

Sit beside him on a folding chair beside your mother’s bed.

Place a box of tissues between you.

Watch him take your mother’s hand in both his own

and stroke it like a small wounded animal.

Do not speak.
Do not turn on the TV.

Do not shatter the silence around you.

Let time pass.

Listen to your father sigh.

Listen to your father sob.

Hand your father a tissue whenever necessary.

Ask him if he wants food.
Ask him if wants water.

Ask him if he wants to take a walk.

Do not press him when he says no to everything.

Remember the one thing he wants is impossible to give him.

Let more time pass.

When your father gets up to go to the bathroom and says,

“Hold Mom’s hand,” hold your mother’s hand.

When he returns, give your mother’s hand back to your father.

It belongs to him.

Do not tell your father what the hospice nurse told you:

you need to let go so she can let go.

When the sun sets, gather the darkened room

around your shoulders like a cloak.

See your father’s undying love

take your mother’s breath away.

“How to Watch Your Father Watch Your Mother Die” copyright © 2015 Lesléa Newman, from I CARRY MY MOTHER (Headmistress Press, Sequim, WA). Reprinted with permission of the author.

Lesléa Newman is a poet, fiction writer, essayist, children’s book writer and anthologist whose 70 books include the poet collections, Still Life with Buddy, Nobody’s Mother, Signs of Love, and October Mourning: A Song for Matthew Shepard (novel-in-verse) which received a Stonewall Honor from the American Library Association. Ms. Newman’s literary awards include poetry fellowships from the National Endowment for the Arts and the Massachusetts Artists Foundation; the Burning Bush Poetry Prize; and second place runner-up in the Solstice Literary Journal poetry competition. Her poetry has been published in Spoon River Poetry Review, Cimarron Review, Evergreen Chronicles, Lilith Magazine, Kalliope, The Sun, Bark Magazine, Sow’s Ear Poetry Review, Seventeen Magazine and others. From 2008-2010 she served as the poet laureate of Northampton, Massachusetts. Currently she is a faculty member of Spalding University’s low-residency MFA in Writing program. Her newest poetry collection, I Carry My Mother was published in January 2015 by Headmistress Press